i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
