Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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