I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
