GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
