The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
