Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
