When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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