what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
