I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
