I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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