I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
