i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
