I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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