I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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