Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
