dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
