The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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