This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
