her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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