i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's shark week go big or go home
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
