im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
