oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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