I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Randomize
