Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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