saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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