i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Boobs are out for the taking
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
