I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
