i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
