Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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