Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
