If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
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you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
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She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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