omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
