I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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