I'm going to jail i love you
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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