ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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