Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
