I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
