my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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