she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
