walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
