dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
