I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
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