I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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