This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
