I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
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I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
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Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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