sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
