end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
