Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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