VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
