my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
