you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
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No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
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You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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