Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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