Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
