I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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