i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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