Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
