im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
