Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
