Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
