I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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