I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
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you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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