Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
