I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
