do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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