they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
