apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
