Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
