I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
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Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
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I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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